sweet oxen

Onwards

Having a slightly ‘off’ week to be honest, and having to rethink how I am going about doing certain things (my Etsy shop, for one, and the actual work itself).

I’m so aware that my shop is quite bare that I have been focussing mainly on producing more items in order to fill it. I know now that I need to approach this completely differently and stop being so ‘shop centric’..

Don’t get me wrong, I want my Etsy shop to work.  And a plan helps me to some extent I guess.  But let’s not forget what I love. I love drawing, painting, scribbling, creating collages etc, I like putting something together to see it just click into place. That feeling when you have printed it all off and you think, ‘Yep, that’s it. Perfect’. There isn’t always a reason why I think it looks great, it just does to me and THAT is what I have to keep doing. I have to think less about what others think of my work and shop, and trust my own gut instinct a lot more.  I need to go back to basics.

At the weekend I was really excited about doing some valentines and birthday cards. I have some little ideas and put something together digitally that looked like it would work. My blank cards arrived in the post and I got to printing. Once printed off, they looked…kinda crappy. I didn’t know why. I have a decent printer, the card was good quality (although not textured enough for my liking). It just didn’t feel right. I wasn’t excited by them. I actually didn’t like them at all. This made me really sad and panicked, so much so that I freaked out and started compulsively cutting out lino just so I could feel like I was going in a different direction.

Over the years I have toyed with selling artwork and going down this route. There have been a lot of things holding me back. Most of them excuses, simply because I wasn’t ready, but now that I AM ready, I want everything to happen overnight! I have spoken to friends about this and they are all telling me, I need to chill the hell out. They are right.

Truth is I am incredibly impatient with myself and also sort of my own worst critic. I will beat myself up over the tiniest error (both in my full time job and here in my makeshift studio) and feel incredibly stupid. (I have also discovered I hate losing board games, and I swear the two are related). I keep writing these bloomin’ crazy lists of work I think I need to do, and particular things I need to make for my shop (Valentines cards, greetings cards etc). Well I am sure it works for a lot of people but it sure ain’t working for me this early!

For now, I need to just draw. See where it takes me. Paha that sounds so corny, but that is when I produce my best work, the work I am proud to sell and want to show the world.  I hope that is what my Etsy shop will be all about.

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